Eating Disorders

» CirellJ1 - My Friend Has Pushed Me Away...

arrhgggg

well, i guess she finally unblocked me from AOL, i have no idea why, but tonight i left her a message, just letting her know i was there, and if she wanted to talk, i would listen...

she never replied, and i guess i started pushing the issue...i told her that i know that she is in a tough situation, and how i hope she has stopped cutting...and i just want to talk...

she finally said something to me for the first time in like two months...

but it was "**** you"

i dont know, i feel like i never will be able to get through to her...

maybe i thought she was ready to talk...and i just pushed the issue...i dont know, i feel like i want to forget about her, but i know i wont be able to...im back to square one...

sometimes i really think she truly hates me, but i dont know the reason why she would?

i dont know, can someone who has been in my situation PLEASE RESPOND???

-- posted by CirellJ1

» Lori Henry - My Friend Has Pushed Me Away...

How frustrating, but I think at this point it's time to let go. She obviously needs some space and she knows that she can always talk to you if she needs to.

I know it's hard, but sometimes letting go and letting things run their course is the best way to go.

All the best.

» CirellJ1 - My Friend Has Pushed Me Away...

uggh...

SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!

but i guess there is nothing i can do to make it better....

this is tough...but ill try to let her go on her own

-- posted by CirellJ1

» Lori Henry - My Friend Has Pushed Me Away...

There is nothing else you can do, as you can't push someone, even though you care very deeply about them, to behave in a certain way.

Give it time and see if things will end up coming together. My positive thoughts are with you.

» CirellJ1 - My Friend Has Pushed Me Away...

i saw her when i was driving(i wasnt trying to see her, but i was just driving around with friends)...she was walking with her mom on a back road near her house...we used to walk the road all the time...right when she saw that i was coming she looked directly down...i just passed...i passed them again on my way back, they were both walking back to their home, as i passed them i just gave a little beep on the horn...my friend who was riding with me in the car said they both waved...so thats nice...

it was very wierd...i mean seeing her...since i havnt seen her in like 3 months...

sometimes i think she is trying to hurt me...maybe make me feel her pain?

but she is really hurting me...

and another thing i dont get...

she is like talking to all these people in school this year...and like over the summer, she told me how much she hated them...she didnt like any of them...but now its like, she metamorphisized into this person...the exact opposite person she was this summer...(she can talk to whoever the H*ll she wants...i dont care...but its just hard to imagine her talking to all these people that she always talked about how she hated this summer)

she is like really superfical...and i hate that, but thats like not who she really is...

i guess no matter how much pain i feel because of her, or because of me...i have to remind myself that i do love her, and i have to give her the benefit of the doubt...

i dont know whether to show her that im doing fine, or whether to tell her how im really doing...which is very bad...

its soo hard to concentrate on school...but im gonna try as hard as i can...

BTW(she is like an honor student...and just got student of the month...why sometimes do girls with eating disorders get such great grades...it makes it seem like they are in such great mental health...but how do they concentrate with only one thing on their mind)

any thoughts

if anyone would like to respond, please do...

-- posted by CirellJ1

» CirellJ1 - My Friend Has Pushed Me Away...

OK, Im sorry, I have given up

she unblockes me from aol, and is just asking for people to talk to her...the last time i talked to her when she unblocked me, she said FU...

i wrote her and told her to just make up her mind, cuz it was pissing me off...if you want to talk to me, then talk, if not, then block me forever...dont play games...

i told her how i cared for her for soo long, while she just treated me so bad...

i just had it, i dont want to feel this pain anymore...

she wrote me back and just said...drop the past...

i have to accept that i have done my part, and now hope she gets better...

i finally told her that it was me who told her parents that she had the ED...

i dont really care if she responds back...

im sorry, if you analize this for too long it will drive you insane...

i have to do whats best for me...i want her to get better so badly...

but........forget it

-- posted by CirellJ1

» Lori Henry - My Friend Has Pushed Me Away...

Thanks for keeping us updated. Yes, it does sound like you have done all that you can possibly do. She has her own stuff to figure out and you need to take care of yourself.

Her parents are now aware of her problems and, although they might not understand her, hopefull they will try to get her help.

You are an amazing friend and, as you say, you need to do what's best for you now, as hard as that might be. All the best and keep in touch here on the boards.

» CirellJ1 - My Friend Has Pushed Me Away...

well, I did a research paper on EDs for school, and I got a lot of disturbing information, so i felt i would write my friend with an ed, but i would do it in a different approach...i just encouraged her to help other people recover...because i think if enough of these people with ed's buy into the fact that this is not the life they want to live, then they can help eachother beat it...

here is my message...

Hey Renee,

first of all, this isnt about you or me, so as I try to keep out any personal feelings towards you when writing this, I hope you can block any personal feelings towards me when reading this.

I was given an assignment for english class, it was a ten page research paper on whatever topic we wanted. I chose to do it on eating disorders, because of how I feel they are affecting my life. I have occasionaly read about them before I went this deep into finding out as much as I could to write ten pages on.

I have visited metical health sites, as well as pro-ana sites, so I could get both sides of the story.

There is no one I know, that knows more about this disorder than me. I dont say that because I know it all, I only say that because we both know that hardly anyone has given a damn about eating disorders to research them, but I have.

I have read so many post's of young and old females who are struggling everyday with this disorder. I have read the feelings of people who are at the absolute rock bottom of thier life, because of thier ED.

(long story short - we both understand what people with ED's are going through - maybe not at the same level, but we do both have an understanding - sadly we both probably dont completely understand why this happends)

I understand that no one asks for an eating disorder, they just come to these young girls brought on by the pressures of the world outside of them. People think that people with ED like being how they are. From what I have read from these women, i know that is not the case.

I know there is no way I will ever know what its really like to have an ED. You never know unless your in the situation...and there is nothing that could prepare someone for it.

This whole expirience that I have gone through has made me want to make a difference when I see all this stuff going on. So much is happening, but so few people are paying attention.

Well, im not going to be one of them.

I am writing you, because I want to ask you for a favor.

I was hoping that the next time you talk to anyone who has an ED, that you encourage them to seek a healthy and happier life. These people who reach out to you for support are greatful for you to understand them, and what they are going through, when no one else does. The truth is, is that no doctor, or therapist can "cure" an ED. No matter what anyone thinks, they cannot cure someones ED. The only thing that can help a person completely recover is themselves. These people online trust you Renee, they seek your advice. You have the power to truly help them. Giving them advice on how to hide food, and how to binge just helps them sink deeper and deeper. There is no end to an ED. No matter what anyone tells them to help them lose more weight, it will never be enough. The more they hear, the worse it could get. If you can turn that negative lifestyle around, and encourage them to seek help, and encourage them that this is not the life they were meant to live, then you could possible save them from themselves. Everyone with an ED who wants to get better CAN do it. They just need eachother. If there is someone who wants to get better, and they have someone else in the same position, it will make that fight just a little bit easier.

There are people all over the world struggling to get better. ED's dont happen over night, and no one gets rid of one over night either...it is a long painful process...somepeople never recover.

If you can start focusing on helping all these young girls that you talk to seek help, and help them feel better about thier life and themselves, then that would be truly something special.

I found myself really wanting to help anyone with an ED, anyway I can. I saw how terrible they are. The only way I can offer help to these people is through you.

If you choose to ignore this, then there is nothing I can do...but if next time you talk to someone in need of your support, and you suggest to them that they can fight this dont have to do it alone then you could look at yourself and be proud that you are helping someone take control of thier life again.

like that movie you showed me...pay it forward...

if you suggest to anyone you talk to, to seek help, and then they suggest it to everyone they talk to, and so on, that is so many people that will be touched and possibly saved...and all it took was ONE persons words...

When I am older, I hope I can look back on my life, and tell myself that I helped somebody take back thier life, when they were had completely lost control of thier life...if my words never reach anyone but you, then that is 1 person...if you tell someone, than i have affected 2...the more people you tell, the more people i have tried to help...the more people you tell, the more people you have tried to help...

I hope when you look at when you were a teenager, you can look back and say that you did the same thing.

maybe this could be that new years resolution that will never fail...

You dont have to change the world, all you need to do is keep in contact with these people and encorage them...People CAN recover, you can help them...

You can make a difference with this Renee, out of all the people I know that can help, you are the one.

Think About It

this is the first message that i sent to her, that i really didnt try to make sound personal because it wasnt...i just hope she will think it over and make the best decision...

-- posted by CirellJ1

» Lori Henry - My Friend Has Pushed Me Away...

Thank you so much for sharing that. I am so gald that you decided to do your paper on eating disorders- the more people we have out there trying to bring about awareness, the better. Educating people is the key to making healthy choices.

Has she responded?

» backpackergirl - My Friend Has Pushed Me Away...

i'm in my twenties, suffering with an ED, (for the past 13 yrs-with many points where i've been very, very critical/hospitalized), and i hope i can offer you just a glimmer of hope and advice, even though it seems you may have given up.
I've been blesssed to have great support around me.
As hard as it may be to hear, there is really nothing you can do, execpt to let her know you really care about her, you are concerned, but you know she will seek help when she is ready. She's on her own journey...
Let her know that you're still there to talk, and it doesn't have to be about her ED!
Also, let her know you see her for more than an ED. It can get overwhelming for someone suffering, to constantly be bombarded with questions & concerns (as well meaning, as they are). Sometimes we want to be seen as a person first.
It's common for someone suffering to push those close away (for me-when i was at my lowest point-i didn't want those that meant the most to me-see me! i felt so screwed up...)and i didn't want to worry them...

So to sum it up-just be there (if you're still willing?!?)...and let her know you still see her for who she is-not an ED., and you'll support her in however which way she plans to continue her journey...

-- posted by backpackergirl