Eating Disorders

» airbrushd - My Secret and Stretch for Help

Since I was 7 years old I went to the dirt. It started out with digging from my grandmothers plant...thinkings it's no big deal. I has continued throughtout my life from a little bit to extreme. A few years ago I told my mom and the only things she stated was there are people around the world that do it and what it is known by. At first I thought well, I'm not abnormal because there are other people in different countries that do this...but somewhere in my heart I still felt its wrong. I've tried to stop making substitutes. I've tried to observe when I eat it but I could narrow it down to a certain mood. I finally went to the doctor and told my doctor I have a serious problem I can't control and I really need help to help me stop it. I was asked questions about my past...I had already knew what triggered it before the questions. I was told to go to another doctor and talk about it. I started to feel at that point nothing was going to help me stop, because talking about my past will due nothing. I came to terms with my past along time ago. I refuse to lie to myself and rehash everything from past and confront people I've already confronted and make ameans once again and still eat dirt. I just want to stop and as many people who would assume it's easy..its not..it gets worse and I really hate myself for it.

-- posted by airbrushd