Love and Empathy for Eating Disordered Sufferers
More ED Recovery Pointers and Insights From Author, Andrea Roe
Sep 22, 2009
Family and friends can be very influential. Education and understanding can go a long way in helping someone who is suffering, as well as someone who has entered the recovery stage of his or her eating disorder.
Q. How can family and friends be supportive of someone who is still lost in the eating disorder as well as pursuing recovery?
A. Honestly, even though other literature in the field says different, I believe that the only thing that one can really do for the person is to just support him. Don't try to change him. Don't force him to act “normal”. Just support him.
You cannot force him to change his beliefs or behaviors. You cannot force an anorexic to eat, a bulimic to stop vomiting, or a binge eater to stop eating huge amounts of food. Eating disorders are not simply about food and weight.
Accept him for the person he is right now. By all means, encourage him at every opportunity. But it's important to accept him and accept the situation.
For someone who has never had an eating disorder (or other “addiction”), it is truly impossible to know what the sufferer is going through. And that's why even the best intentions can be seen as an “attack” on the sufferer, something that causes him to further retreat from the world.
The only time I recommend intervention is when the person has the potential to harm herself/himself physically. Then would I intervene with a therapist highly skilled in dealing with this disorder.
Be supportive. Let your loved one know you are always there for him, no matter what. Encourage him to do activities with you. Go for a walk. Go shopping. Spend time on hobbies the sufferer still enjoys. Just have a meaningful conversation.
As well, learn as much as you can about eating disorders. There are many books written for loved ones filled with information on eating disorders and also tips and advice on how to best support someone with an eating disorder, what to say and do and also what not to say and do.
An eating disorder is still very misunderstood in today's culture. A little education can go a long way.
Remember: Be realistic. Successfully dealing with an eating disorder takes time. Don't expect your friend to be "cured" after treatment. Recovery can be a long process.
Q. Is there anything difficult about recovery?
A. The disorder is just a symptom of some much deeper emotional upset. And so long as people try to treat the symptom, rather than the cause, a disorder will never leave (or if it does, it will soon be replaced by another destructive coping mechanism).
The important thing to remember is, as long as we keep on fighting, work on our recovery and not give up, we can reach our goals and one day be free of this disorder. It really is a process to deal with these underlying issues and that takes time.
I always hated when someone told me that recovery meant taking baby steps... I didn't want to take baby steps. I wanted to take big huge steps and be done with my eating disorder and get on with my life. But unfortunately, this is not how it works... We have to learn to be patient, we have to learn to be kind to ourselves. And these are all important lessons that recovery teaches us.
For the eating disorder sufferer and their loved ones, do not give up. A quality life is possible! Andrea's example is a light in the darkness.
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