Beating Eating Disorders With Support
Andrea Roe Praises the Help, Support, From Her Husband for Recovery
Aug 31, 2009
An ongoing interview with Andrea Roe (You Are Not Alone I and II) highlights the importance of support to triumph over disordered eating.
Q. Your husband has been a significant factor in your recovery. Please identify the ways in which his support was most helpful? He believed in you. How was that demonstrated?
A. My husband was kind of my therapist. He was always there for me and never gave up on me. He'd ask me about my day and my eating disorder behaviors.
In the beginning, it was difficult to really be open and truly honest with him but soon enough I felt comfortable sharing with him my “darkest” secrets. Even though he did not really understand my eating disorder, and why I was doing what I was doing, no matter what I said or did, he never judged me or loved me less because of it...I was able to be open and honest with him and talk with him about things that I didn't talk with anyone else about before.
It is difficult for someone with an eating disorder to be really open and honest with their loved ones as there is so much fear and shame connected with this disorder. We are afraid of being rejected, being made fun of, being left alone.
Talking about how I was doing and what I was going through was liberating. It was healing. Sharing was difficult in the beginning but over time it got easier and I soon hit a point were I was no longer ashamed of my eating disorder.
One of the most valuable contributions my husband made to my recovery was his way of asking objective questions. By thinking about the answers, I'd discover something powerful that helped me in my struggle.
For example, when I told him I had just binged or starved myself, he'd ask my why I turned to food or away from it. He asked me how it made me feel. That was a new way of thinking for me. Up until this point, I thought that food and weight were the problem. It didn't occur to me that there were other things going on deep inside of me and the eating disorder was the symptom of these things. It took a while for me to really understand (and feel) that my eating disorder was not simply about food and weight but an attempt to use food and weight to deal with internal struggles and ultimately life.
With Brandon’s help, for the first time, I was able to look at the underlying issues and what was really going on. And once I had identified the underlying issues and why I had developed my eating disorder and kept it around, I was able to work on these things and ultimately find recovery.
Q. How was the support of your family and nutritionist demonstrated?
A. It’s crucial to have a support team in place--and it's not about quantity, but quality. Whatever works best for you. There are many recovery support resources available, it's about finding what works best for you and going after that.
My personal support network consisted of my husband, my family, my nutritionist and others in recovery or who were recovered whom I met online in recovery forums. With some of the women I connected online several years ago I am still in touch today. And a number of them are actually also recovered now.
My support network was always there for me. They helped and supported me on the way, comforted me, encouraged me and also celebrated my successes with me.
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